Today I woke up and I decided to eat my breakfast while watching the Pilot episode of a new Fox Television show called Glee. It's set in a typical Ohio high school filled with stereotypical jocks, cheerleaders, geeks, and of course, the glee club. Normally I would pass on a show like this, but it happens to star a local boy who I've worked with in the past and who's story to get on the show is an inspiring one for a somewhat defeated actor wannabe like myself.
http://www.theprovince.com/entertainment/Looking+back+life+with+Glee/1694530/story.html
Here's the kicker. The show is good, and I am such a sucker for a really good musical number. Which they do fantastically. They sing songs that you know, that I as a musical geek know, that have had radio play and that have been musical theatre classics.
Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I woke up, and checked my Facebook, read the province story on Cory, and went for breakfast with my friend Dave who is a VFS grad like myself. We talked about his classes he's taking now, and auditioning and Cory, and the like, and then I went to the beach with my other friend (who coincidentally is also named Cory). This Cory is someone who is straight forward, adventurous, optimistic and a great person to be around. We started talking about my acting, and how I haven't really done anything about it. How I'm a singer, but haven't really done anything about it. He asked me what I need to get it going, and I lamented somewhat hopelessly that I need headshots that don't suck, and a reel that is decent enough to get an agent with, and how I could be really good if I actually tried.
I recalled telling a friend of my cousins, Dan, about acting as well, and how I have wanted to do it my whole life and he said I'd be good at it, he could see it. I told him I was scared. It's much easier for me to not try at something and say I could have than it is for me to try it and fail at something that has meant so much to me my whole life. It's the same for music.
This is my crutch, my fear that I share with so many people in the world. It keeps them in their offices and on the sidelines ignoring what truly drives them. I claim not to be one of these people, and I know that I can do better than where I am at now. I just need to conquer this fear.
So yesterday, when I was driving with Cory, all I could think about was why do I keep lying to myself and why do I keep sitting on the sidelines when every inch of my body screams to do something else. Cory has lived this amazing life (he might not think so, but I do) with stories that make me want to jump on a sailboat and get caught in a storm, or jump on a stage and tell a story with my voice, my body. There is never a moment in my life when I have been happier, and still I sit on the sidelines. Watching everyone else.
Actor Cory, was amazing in the show I watched this morning. A success story that hits close to home and makes me say "Hey, I can do that!" and not only makes me want to fight this fear and get out there acting. It makes me want to start singing again.
So today, I picked up my Bass, played a few riffs. Got a new song, started singing again, really singing, not just fucking around. I cleaned up my resume, dug up my acting reels, and I am going to do whatever it takes to make this dream come true. Who says I can't have more that one dream, who says I can't do both.
24 hours later. After reading a shoddily written article about a Cory who did everything he could. After being inspired by a Cory who takes life full on, and after seeing the results of perseverance and confidence this morning. I have decided to start living my life for my dreams that I have pushed aside, and have decided not to live in the fear of my own failure.
Even if the storm comes and I lose my boat in the Atlantic, what a ride it will have been.
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