Anniversary

It's been a year since graduation.

I wonder, am I anywhere close to where I thought I'd be by now?

Last year, I would have anticipated having one agent, one less tattoo, three less heartaches, one more boyfriend, two less plane tickets, three more acting gigs, one less tour, one less global exploration, three more credits, six more friends, two less losses, a million less doubts.

22 looms. No longer can I re-invent the definition of "Student" and get away with it. Student of the world, yes. Student of life, Always. Student of an institution, not so much.

I feel old in my skin. I feel ancient. Time passes so slowly, and yet, in an instant we have become unrecognizable. The weight hangs differently, the skin is not so pure. Time takes it's toll, even on those of us who are young. I feel it every day.

I feel the rain in my knee, and thunder in my heart. I cannot keep track of all my dreams. They don't die, they just change, and come back twice as strong.

Those who time has become more acquainted feel my age, but doubt it by it's number. Those who are naive, doubt me.

Spring time ambition paints a rosy picture for the future to come. A poor choice on my part. Why did I choose a time of year when life would be starting anew and sun would re-appear, to mark my progress in life.

Where am I supposed to be? I suppose just where I am.

What would the 13 year old version of me think? Would I look at myself and say "wow, I can't wait to meet that girl!" or would I run and hide under my bed, and pretend the world doesn't turn.

I want to be the person I would look up to, and I wouldn't regret.

Regrets are a waste of energy anyhow. They give excuses to the choices we've made. They allow us to pass on our guilt, and shame of ill favoured choices.

Today is just another day to mark my time.

Happy Anniversary